They say 'grief is love with nowhere to go.' So where can I direct my love for my precious friend and outstanding colleague, Lara? There is a huge void in this world which Lara once filled: with her wise words and pithy quotes; with her altruistic acts of kindness; with her insight and wisdom which she gleaned so early on and taught over so voraciously to so many; with her joyful wide smile and her deep, rich laughter that laced her comments; with her life lessons that became delicately ingrained in me. Only now with the absence of my gentle, modest, wonderful friend do I realise just what a passionate, powerful presence she possessed and just what a huge impact on my life she had. She was sensitive, funny, kind, highly intelligent, deep, wise, humble and straight down the line, dialectically gracious and graceful AND honest, no nonsense. Lara was so enthusiastic when I suggested setting up something for the community. The Ki would never have gotten off the ground without her leadership, her vision, motivation, experience, brilliant wisdom and balanced thinking. She taught me so much. Tova and I always looked to her for the stamp of approval before we did anything. She was in many ways our senior despite being the youngest of us all! She brought order and structure to our fledgling organisation. She was our rock and our foundation. She was so passionate about her work and The Ki that she continued to work with us right up until she went into hospital. Lara and I laughed together, teased each other, we argued and debated, and learned together. She had such strength, clarity, courage, conviction and emunah. In her public life she was a healer, mediator for couples, a teacher, a facilitator, a speaker and a writer and so much more. She epitomised truth. In her private life…well, her children are a living testament to all that she gave them. Such nachas for her and Evan. Lara touched and healed so many people, in so many ways. She did it quietly, confidentially. I’m sure there is much that we don’t know and never will. She was a foundation and support to so many - her children, her husband and her family, her colleagues and her friends. We have lost our balance. We are off kilter. So where will my love go? How will I fill this void? Whilst there is no easy answer, Lara gave us some subtle clues herself... Lara strongly encouraged me to take a Grief training with her last year. We learned a lot about grief and mourning and we shared thoughts on the topic often. There is no right way to do grief. It's better to say something rather than nothing to a bereaved person, even if it is just a simple, ‘I'm so sorry for your loss.’ People need acknowledgement. Lara always echoed the words of David Kessler, that we live in a 'grief illiterate society' and she wanted to change that. We learned that somehow we need to integrate the person we have lost into our lives in the present, bring them with us and also to find meaning in the loss. Whilst I am struggling to find meaning in this devastating loss, I do know with absolute clarity that Lara was the ultimate teacher and her legacy will live on. Even In the last few weeks people have been sharing Lara's wisdom and life lessons left, right and centre. It is happening. We are intergrating her. They say that the grief does not get smaller but rather we get bigger. We will grow and strive to fill her big shoes by sharing and internalising her unique wisdom. So whilst my heart is broken, that is where I will put my love…
Maria Beider